Soapy Love

I was in the shower this morning and I found that all I had left was a sliver of soap, the thinnest remnant.

As I washed myself I thought “Isn’t that a great metaphor for love: Sometimes you just don’t notice love until you don’t have it anymore, that we take love for granted sometimes, and it’s best to treasure it everyday, because you never know when it will slip through your fingers.”

As I washed myself with this thin morsel of soap, I thought, “This is just like love: even having just a little love in your life is still enough to make you feel clean and pure and warm.”

At that point, I realised that I’d lost the little sliver of soap somewhere on my person, and I thought to myself, “Maybe that’s like love: Even if you’ve just got a little, you carry it around with you wherever you go.”

Don’t worry, I found it. It was in my crack.

Lending a Hand…

There are several reasons why I never became a stand-up comedian.

Firstly, I get anxiety attacks from being on a train, let alone being on stage.

Secondly, I’m not personally funny. I think I’m funny secondhandedly. I can write a mean joke, but when it comes to delivery, I find it best to leave it to professionals. Or even class clowns. Or anyone who likes the attention. I’m more of a joke feeder, than a joke teller.

Thirdly, I’m too much of a homebody to go out every night checking out the talent and honing my skills. I get home and all I want to do is be with my girls. That could also be referred to as lazy.
Fourthly, I don’t like to repeat myself.
I doubt any comedian wants people to think they are just repeating material endlessly, whether they’re doing a tight five at a Comedy Club, warming an TV audience or recording a DVD in front of a concert hall of fans. But that’s what they do. It’s their job, like mine is repeatedly designing ads and brochures and whatnot, with the same tricks each time (hello Drop Shadow, welcome back Linear Gradient, go fuck yourself Starburst…). The problem is that there’s always gonna be that person who has already seen you perform that joke, and so the second time it might grate a bit, and by the sixth time it’s gonna go down like a lead balloon.
Fifthly, I don’t like to repeat myself.
But it seems a shame to produce something once and not use it elsewhere, even if there is a chance that people would have already seen it previously. If the professionals can do it, why can’t I?
And if I’m gonna steal from anyone, why not myself?
So I’ve decided to start posting things from the Chad Lockwood archives.
Because they make me laugh.
And because it’s a shame for them to never again see the light of day.
And because it’s good to have them all in one place.
…and because I need the regular content…